Babies babies babies

I supposed this is how a generation goes.
We notice lots of friends getting into university around the same time.
We notice lots of friends getting married around the same time.
(we notice lots of friends getting divorced around the same time)
(we notice lots of friends getting married for the second time/moving in together around the same time)
We notice lots of friends getting pregnant around the same time.
And babies popping out around the same time :)

It all started last year with 3 friends announcing they were pregnant. My big sister gave the news at the beginning of this year.
After that is like there was something in the water and it is non-stop...

My Portuguese goddaughter was born last December and she is a stunning baby. She has those delicate features and big eyes which will charm anyone, I am sure. I mostly follow her development through pictures but I will see her again at the end of the year and can't wait for it!

Last Saturday we went to meet Mrs. A's baby, "Banoffee Pie". He is only teeny (8 weeks old) but he is gorgeous. He already smiles (not sure if it is reflex more than intentional), he has that baby smell, tiny hands and fingers, he was mostly quiet and cute apart from when he was hungry or annoyed.
It was great to see him after we followed the whole pregnancy.

I've also received the news one my dearest friends, Mrs. L had her baby-boy. I am soo happy for her and so happy everything went to plan. She is one of the nicest people I know and I wish them all the luck and health in the world.

More friends now have children (My brother gave us Gigi, my goddaughter, now 3, amazingly smart and cute and joyful), Nanda has another Giovana a cutsy too! Mrs G. is expecting a girl, Mrs. T wants a surprise. I've seen when Liesl got pregnant with "Peanut" and he is now a big strong boy. Another friend is preggie, but asked me to keep it quiet for now, but I am immensely happy for her too!

It makes me think if I will ever feel my clock ticking. I never did and still don't.
It reminds me of Mr. M who has made the conscious decision not to have children...

Don't get me wrong, I like children. I love taking care of them. I've always had since I was around 10 and helped my aunties with my cousins.

But I have to confess despite having a huge motherly protective feeling around everyone I know and love (Mum is my nickname after all - and I can be as annoying as one) I dread the idea of being a mother. The responsibility.

Be responsible for its well being. Kindness. Politeness. Happiness. Will it love life or hate life? The world is such a dangerous place. Life is such a hard trial. There is so much pain, so much frustration, so many people are only happy while complaining about something. The world is such a negative place I am not sure if it is fair to bring someone into it just to be another person unhappy about being alive.

The idea I will have a child, love it like I never loved anything before and than let it to go to the world scares me too.

With Mr. J, children are in the plans. Talking about them eases me more into it and warms me to the idea. And you know what? I love life. All the good and bad bits. I am glad my mom and dad decided to have me. To give me a beautiful unique name, to teach me life is good even if bad bits are in it. They taught me to be strong, to look on the bright side. To be friendly, and be friends.
They taught me life is worth it.

So I hope one day my clock will tick stronger. And I will feel more inclined in teaching what mom and dad taught me once. And maybe I can, along with my friends, raise better happier children and somehow the world will be a better place for them as well.

Things one should think more about - I

Something I read on Ms. C blog got me thinking...

Things one should think about improving to make one's life better.

Pack healthy snacks to eat along the day !check! I am known for doing so and my friends are always snacking off my stock too,lol. I Hate feeling hungry because I believe this kills your muscle tissue which means more fat in your body so I avoid it at all costs! But yeah, sometimes I do forget to pack it....
After 30's you kinda need to think a bit about these things - without being too paranoid !check! Don't know about the not being paranoid bit, but yeah, its weird like after 30 (even if just a few months after, I may add) I naturally think more about it, like you start to know you're not in this life forever and you need to make an effort to make most of it.
Smile and laugh more !check! I laugh at everything. And smile too. I am soo easy! And silly.
Drink a lot of water !check! I drink tons of water already. I also use the excuse to get a break and stretch my legs to get water. I was never a fan of fizzy pop and juice is only nice for me with food. I think I should thank my parents and my schools to make sure I was always into water and juice/fizzy pop were only for special occasions :)
Keep your back straight x Need to work more on this one. Posture was always a problem for me, the only time I can remember having a great posture is when I did swimming lessons. Shame here they don't have it as the same package as the membership. But will try yoga or just being more conscious about it.
Be less online and more live action !check! I think I've been pretty good with this one since last year! I rarely refuse an invite to meet up and come up with ideas as well... Sometimes I try to make "online friendships" to become "real" ones, but for some reason it doesn't seem to be working, unfortunately. So now I do my best, I offer my phone and my time. If they want to take it good, if not, what more can one do, really? I am just content I got to keep the online thingy going on as well :)
Drink less alcohol !check! I've been cutting my alcohol intake a lot. I never drunk a lot per se, but during the last year I was having at least a glass on Fridays, but it turned into two and then you don't want to leave half a bottle there... So I stopped it. I have it small bottles (they sell tiny ones here which comes with 2 glasses worth of wine) when I feel like it, or will drink some when with friends and not driving...
Pay attention to things around you !check! Hehehe, that's something I am always doing as well. I guess as I am working from home now is a bit more difficult but even driving around, or just watching TV or surfing the net I am always trying to catch new things in the air and notice people, things around me. They intrigue me, I always catch myself thinking about their past, what brought them there.
Take more photos. Write more. Life is too busy to expect our poor
little brain to remember everything. !check! Could not agree more. I am always a great fan of pictures and videos and anything that helps our poor memory/attention spam.
Sing !check! I am always singing, humming. So yeah, check that too.

Adding a few of my own:
* Forgive - Life is too short for begrudges.
* Give up - Nothing wrong with failure, it's only a sign you've tried. If you know you've tried your best, don't waste more energy than is needed and move on. Life will sort things out.
* Dance - is there a better way to just let your body go as it wishes? (Ok there is, but preferably in public dancing is still a better choice of not getting arrested.)
* Make jokes - You never know when people will find it funny (or that is so bad is good ) and is a great feeling to make someone laugh or just smile :)
* Compliment people - Forget about weakness, let's try some strong point for a change and it is bound to go back to you, even when you don't want to.
* Pay attention to the sky. It gets you thinking beautiful things, even when is gray and dark. You know one day the clouds will go and all will be fine again. Inevitably.
* Say what you think - but without being rude, just strong. Life is short to live one that is not your own.
* Mean what you say. Always.
* Look on the bright side of life. Pollyana style all the way for me.

I am blast from the past

Like I've mentioned here, on my coming back to the blogsfera I thought of trying to reconnect with people who I had left behind, people I really cared for in the past.
People who I'd spend hours chatting on MSN developing close friendships, or reading their blogs...
Because I was the one choosing to retreat from the net world, I thought was only fair to go after them again, revert that choice...
But it never went through my mind they could be the ones choosing to retreat from me.
I have never received any harsh word from those I befriended with and if that ever happened, we always talked things through and if the decision to cut off the friendship was taken it was always mutual, it was always something we knew why was happening and why we would not be friends anymore.
One of this closest friends still accepts to be around but not as close as before. Another one was pretty much direct when posting on a network site "What should she do if someone from the past appears again and you wish she stayed in the past" two days after I went to her blog and netsite to say I was glad to have found her again and to see she was happy. After that last post she protected her posts and I am not included in those ones allowed to see it.
Of course I took the hint and accepted the fact she does not want me in her life again, so is only a matter of respect I don't follow her on her blog again or try to contact her again.
What breaks my heart is to have absolutely no idea why they would prefer it that way. I am so afraid of hurting people's feelings, of being cruel, or even unfriendly, it makes me totally paranoid to think I may have gone and done just that.
I don't mind people not liking me, not considering their best friends. No one can't be the best friend of everyone, and I know friendships can just grow out of itself with time and distance, but to completely repel someone?
And why just not be honest? Why not just write to me and tell me how they feel?
That would be what I would do, not send messages with double meanings, that hurts so much more...
Anyway, Mr J and Mrs M came to my rescue when I was having a cry about it (I can't believe I actually cried over it) and reminded me how wonderful I am, and how much all my other friends love me and are happy to see me well again...
I know in my heart I do everything I think is right, I do my bit.
I need to learn to deal with the fact people will change, move on and leave you behind.
Sometimes you didn't even do anything wrong, that is just life. :)

"Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense
respected." Charles Lamb

For someone who failed English in school...

... I am pretty surprised how now I think, dream and express myself better using this language.
I know my English is not perfect (far from it) and I know I make - a lot of - mistakes but for some weird reason when I try to write in Portuguese nowadays, I think it looks like a 10 years old wrote it.
Maybe the real problem is the fact I like to write like I talk, and for the best part of the last 7 years I have been talking in English, and definitely in the last year this has been at least 95% of the rate Portuguese/English use for me.
Is funny like some expressions simply take over, some expressions which don't have translation to Portuguese or sometimes I can't even recall how you would say something in Portuguese (the other day I was struggling to remember how to say lamb/sheep).
Don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten my mother tongue, I don't believe it is possible to happen to anyone!
I just think my brain is better trained now to work in English. I love Portuguese, I am happy my Squeedge is also learning it so we can speak Portuguese between us, I still speak Portuguese with my Brazilian friends I have here, I write Portuguese e-mails, I listen to Brazilian music, I read Brazilian news... I always make sure I don't loose contact with it, just in case...
I like the richness of our language, but maybe that's exactly why my brain takes the English route, it is so much simpler! :)


So here you go, this is why I write in English, but I have put a translator on the write side of the blog, and you can comment either way, as long as it is one of the two!

What a difference 2 years make...

I've just realized how people's life change even when you're not watching them.
I know, it is stupid and obvious, of course their lives change! Is not like they would wait sitting on naughty corner while little me here (gosh I hope this acronym is nothing rude!) had her own problems to deal with, but what I mean is that while I was taking time off from my virtual life, I thought people's life would not change that much, naively enough.
To go back to old virtual friendships, chapters of books I was used to read, like a soap opera I~d watch everyday...
I thought I would just start following them again, from the last time I remember reading the last word they wrote on the last day I felt in a sane, happy, with not-a-care-in-the-world mood enough to go through my routine of checking if they needed a friend's shoulder to cry on, a friend's word to rely on, or a friend's cheer to celebrate on.
During this 2+ years (almost 3) my life went through such turmoil I could barely cope with my problems, let alone cope with others.
And their lives did everything but freeze.
Some got married, some split up, some had children who are now big and smiley, some learnt some instruments... Some changed jobs, some travelled and changed countries!Some are on the same life but with a different outlook...

I feel a bit sad for not being there for them. I feel a bit guilty because I chose to go away and not leave a trace so they could find me. It was my choice to go and hide in my cave when things were going from bad to worse.
It makes me think that maybe it was my life that I wanted to freeze, to pause, to stop. But I also wanted to fast-forward it. To a time where I'd be happy again, sane again, with not-a-care-in-the-world frame of mind.
I think this day has arrived again. Is funny how I never stopped writing even knowing (and not wanting) no one would read whatever I wrote. So here I am again.

I hope to reconnect to books and soap operas authors that I would follow in the past. Find out they are happy and content as much as I am now (well, most of the time).

But even if I don't ever find them again, or hear from them again, I hope it is true.