Wednesday 11 November 2009

On the move...

Finally got a few minutes to export this to my own domain :)
Update your links and feeders people!

New address: http://mrsthinktoomuch.everyblue.com
New feeder: http://feeds.feedburner.com/MrsThinkTooMuch

I am absolutely lurving WordPress by the way!

Monday 2 November 2009

Abuse of rights?

People in U.K. are - once again - experiencing severe postal workers strikes.
They've been striking 2 to 3 days a week for more than a month and it means at one point there were 30 million item not delivered to their destinations.
Reasons for the strike are reasonable, but the way they've been negotiating and striking is not.
As a result of the strike, the Royal Mail (still not a private company) has lost huge contracts with Amazon and other business.

Even I tried to find an alternative to deliver some very important documents I needed to send, but because it was for a PO Box, I had to pay the £4.95 charged to special delivery, which is the only type of mail they have to deliver on time - otherwise they'd have to pay a fine for failing it.

Other strikes in U.K. also includes rubbish bin collection and the threat of Fire workers slowing down services. And this year we had Tube strikes as well.

What the Worker Unions are failing to see is that money talks to people and business as much as it talks to them.
And not only that. You are usually paying for a service and not getting it.

Majority of people does not have a luxury to strike when things get tough.
And if the job is so hard to bear, the law in U.K. protects you, you can leave and sue your employer because it was hard to work on the conditions they made you work. If they fire you unfairly, you can sue them too. So I really don't sympathize when they argue they are protecting job cuts and pay decrease.

On the postal strike case things get even worse, because with business finding alternatives to the strike (like CityLink, DHL and the like) Royal Mail is making even less money and will face have to cut even more jobs! Now is that something so hard to understand?

Because is no rock science to me!

Update: They have decided to suspend the strike at least until after Xmas. :)

Friday 30 October 2009

Busy? Lazy?

Still here. Thinking as much as ever. If not more.
Work has been attrocious and I hate finding out I will have to work on weekends at last minute. And yes, 10 days notice is still last minute to me.
So work has been taking a LOT of my time this week.
Boiler failure meant stress to the power of nine.
Rest of the time spent trying to avoid thinking.
Getting my costume ready for my first Halloween Party ever :D
Playing facebook games. Twittering.
Watching TV.
Some exercizes (very little to keep my conscience clear anyway).
More TV. More work. More games.

Tired, tired, tired of thinking, of reading (had to read a document of 112 pages this week), of waiting.

But soon it will be all over and a new dawn, a new day, a new life will start for me.

Monday 12 October 2009

Babies babies babies

I supposed this is how a generation goes.
We notice lots of friends getting into university around the same time.
We notice lots of friends getting married around the same time.
(we notice lots of friends getting divorced around the same time)
(we notice lots of friends getting married for the second time/moving in together around the same time)
We notice lots of friends getting pregnant around the same time.
And babies popping out around the same time :)

It all started last year with 3 friends announcing they were pregnant. My big sister gave the news at the beginning of this year.
After that is like there was something in the water and it is non-stop...

My Portuguese goddaughter was born last December and she is a stunning baby. She has those delicate features and big eyes which will charm anyone, I am sure. I mostly follow her development through pictures but I will see her again at the end of the year and can't wait for it!

Last Saturday we went to meet Mrs. A's baby, "Banoffee Pie". He is only teeny (8 weeks old) but he is gorgeous. He already smiles (not sure if it is reflex more than intentional), he has that baby smell, tiny hands and fingers, he was mostly quiet and cute apart from when he was hungry or annoyed.
It was great to see him after we followed the whole pregnancy.

I've also received the news one my dearest friends, Mrs. L had her baby-boy. I am soo happy for her and so happy everything went to plan. She is one of the nicest people I know and I wish them all the luck and health in the world.

More friends now have children (My brother gave us Gigi, my goddaughter, now 3, amazingly smart and cute and joyful), Nanda has another Giovana a cutsy too! Mrs G. is expecting a girl, Mrs. T wants a surprise. I've seen when Liesl got pregnant with "Peanut" and he is now a big strong boy. Another friend is preggie, but asked me to keep it quiet for now, but I am immensely happy for her too!

It makes me think if I will ever feel my clock ticking. I never did and still don't.
It reminds me of Mr. M who has made the conscious decision not to have children...

Don't get me wrong, I like children. I love taking care of them. I've always had since I was around 10 and helped my aunties with my cousins.

But I have to confess despite having a huge motherly protective feeling around everyone I know and love (Mum is my nickname after all - and I can be as annoying as one) I dread the idea of being a mother. The responsibility.

Be responsible for its well being. Kindness. Politeness. Happiness. Will it love life or hate life? The world is such a dangerous place. Life is such a hard trial. There is so much pain, so much frustration, so many people are only happy while complaining about something. The world is such a negative place I am not sure if it is fair to bring someone into it just to be another person unhappy about being alive.

The idea I will have a child, love it like I never loved anything before and than let it to go to the world scares me too.

With Mr. J, children are in the plans. Talking about them eases me more into it and warms me to the idea. And you know what? I love life. All the good and bad bits. I am glad my mom and dad decided to have me. To give me a beautiful unique name, to teach me life is good even if bad bits are in it. They taught me to be strong, to look on the bright side. To be friendly, and be friends.
They taught me life is worth it.

So I hope one day my clock will tick stronger. And I will feel more inclined in teaching what mom and dad taught me once. And maybe I can, along with my friends, raise better happier children and somehow the world will be a better place for them as well.

Wednesday 7 October 2009

Reality escape

I do succumb to procrastination. Fact.
Is hard to get around things I have to do. Not because I am lazy or because I dislike doing them, sometimes I feel is because I know if I do them too quickly, they will be finished too fast, and then I will be left to think, and as you may have noticed it doesn't always means something good comes out of it.
When I get thinking I usually get paranoid a bit, I over think, over analyze, over rationalize my life (and sometime other peoples life too).
So lately I have caught myself completely addicted to facebook games.
I am @ Farmville, Country Story (another farm) and Café World.
Useless as they are - there is no prize, no reward, almost no competition either - it has almost the same effect as TV has on me.
It switches me off, it stops my head from going a hundred per hour. It gets me hypnotized, and it distracts me from the things I have to do, to think about...

By blogging, I get news about other peoples lives, I can comment, offer my opinion, without having to think about my own life. I stop whatever I am doing to post. But is weird, is like once I put them down on black and white they stop following me in my head, is like they come out to never bother me again ( I will write more about this on another post).

I wonder if people realize the same. We could all be addicted to these things just escaping from our reality :\ But could be again, I am over analysing it. It could be we are all just bored. Maybe is just me exaggerating it all, something I do too (see the drama? Over thinking and exaggerating? Not good!)

I do need to cut the time I spend on the whole online surfing (twitter, blogs, facebook, facebook games, etc) but I also think if that is a blessing in disguise. Knowing myself like I do, any opportunity for my mind to start brewing something where I will end up like the villain will be taken up and that will push me down.

So my online surfing habits could all also be the cheapest therapy in the world :)

“It is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” - William Shakespeare

Friday 2 October 2009

October is here! Yeay!

Lots of people are complaining October has come too fast, but to be honest I am happy about it :)
Some reasons for it may be:
1. It's been 2 years I've been with my family and I am finally going back for a visit in December,hence I can't wait for December to arrive.
2. This year didn't go fast at all for me. because I didn't have plans or resolutions, there is nothing I would leave incomplete, or unacomplished. So no regrets, no hurry, no frustrations.
3. Next year looks so promising for me (and my friends!) with lots of things in the pipeline. Because I don't expect and don't plan anymore in my life - to avoid disappointments - I am happy there will be a brand new year around the corner, fresh to do what I like with it.
4. This is the month autumn arrives, ok is cold, but is beautiful here with its rosy sunsets, its golden crackly leaves (which I love to crunch with my feet), people being elegant in the streets again.
And this is the month which usually comes with good surprises for me.
Has always been my lucky month.
For example, last year, Mr J came along on October.
So really how can I, and why would I complain about such great month?
Let's just wait and see which surprise this October has in store for me! :)

And oh yeah, even one of my favorite songs is called October!



October - Evanescence

I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
In all my bitterness,
I ignored,
All that's real and true,
All I need is you,
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes,
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong,
I can't lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love,
My only hope,
(All the times I've tried)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love.

Thursday 1 October 2009

R$ vs £ - Greed or need?

Well, those who know me reasonable well knows I have quite the utopic view about capitalism. I truly believe capitalism the worse necessary evil we have to live with, for several reasons.
One of the things I don't really understand is how countries who are supposed to be poor (or "developing" - to use the politically correct term) can afford to sustain high enormous prices on products which can be found so much cheaper in other countries.
I do know about taxes, and everyone has to make a profit to survive (bing! There you go capitalism being evil!) but I do wonder if the HUGE difference in prices are mostly greed and the certainty people will pay whatever is asked for it, to either:
1. sustain a status of "look, I worked hard, I can spend sh1tloads of money buying this, you can't"
2. simply out of necessity
3. just liking the item and have no option but to buy it even at higher exorbitant value.

Now nothing wrong with the second reason, if you need something, and there is no way out of it than what can you do really? What annoys me with capitalism is the 1. and 2. points, where you could easily live with another cheaper option, simply not to buy whatever is being exploited from you, and force the prices down.
In my view, it is as easy as that. But maybe I am wrong?In here we have the example of Jaguar, which went bankrupt because people would not buy their cars anymore on the prices they were charging. It is sad to see a national industry go away, but have them lowered their prices I am sure they would have survived. See prices for houses, cars, mobile phones, anything here don't survive too long a surge on prices because people stop buying.Of course I am using Brazil as my criticism view, unfortunately a bad one this time.But coming from there and having this outlook on people

I was raised seeing people getting suffocated by debits. On credit card, on financing in 817373 instalments payments to have things they don't really need, they just want. To keep up with their friends, put up a front and try to live a life beyond their means, and it is a circle vice, and when you least expect everyone is caught on it. Sad affair.Thanks to mum and dad, I got the right hang of it. Bought my cars always with prompt payment. Never spend more than I make. First thing I do when I get my salary is to put a big chunk of it aside on my savings. Never buy more than I need. Maybe that's why I can't understand how this industry is still fed by people buying these things and throwing money at something so replaceable.


Fiat 500
Price in Brazil - from £21834.00 (R$ 61.900.00)
Price in U.K. from £9100.00 (R$ 25782.00)


Ac Dc gig
Price in Brazil - from £53.00-£106.00 (R$150.00-R$300.00)
Price in UK - from £45.00 (R$ 127.00)


IPhone
Price in Brazil - from £670.00 (R$1899.00)
Price in UK - from £342.00 (R$ 968.00)

**Currency converter

Now, I can't leave this post without saying how bad the Fruit/Veg prices are here compared to Brazil where they are sold at ridiculous low prices. I was going to include how cheaper the Avocato, Apple, Lettuce were in Brazil, but boy how wrong was I? They are cheaper here now! Ok, they don't taste the same (they are frozen to survive the trip and then thawed again for sale) but I was soo surprised to see the prices we are paying for food in Brazil now! Maybe it is a great sign people are earning more and affording to have more... Mmm, food for thought... - no punt intended ;)

Thursday 24 September 2009

Cold fashion

Ok, I am usually not into fashion. At all. But the autumn collection always bring a smile to my face.
And I am so glad the color tights are back again!
I already have my bright red, emerald and orange ones from last season...


And can't wait to put them on again!
I think everyone here wears too much black and grey during these months which have grey skies already... So any bit of colour is welcome!

Now for my wish list this Autumn :)
Tights are size M/L (10) if anyone is thinking about giving me one, lol.


Dark red and mustard tights which you can buy in any shop...


Cute fuschia tights from uktights


Blue tights Next

Hats hats hats because I am mad about hats after all and they are the custest ever this season, how can I resist?


Fuschia - Debenhams
Black - Debenhams


Black - Debenhams
Grey & Black - Tie Rack

I don't usually like pink but aren't these just delicious?
Left - Monsoon
Right - Monsoon

Black - Monsoon
Natural - John lewis

Tuesday 22 September 2009

Things one should think more about - I

Something I read on Ms. C blog got me thinking...

Things one should think about improving to make one's life better.

Pack healthy snacks to eat along the day !check! I am known for doing so and my friends are always snacking off my stock too,lol. I Hate feeling hungry because I believe this kills your muscle tissue which means more fat in your body so I avoid it at all costs! But yeah, sometimes I do forget to pack it....
After 30's you kinda need to think a bit about these things - without being too paranoid !check! Don't know about the not being paranoid bit, but yeah, its weird like after 30 (even if just a few months after, I may add) I naturally think more about it, like you start to know you're not in this life forever and you need to make an effort to make most of it.
Smile and laugh more !check! I laugh at everything. And smile too. I am soo easy! And silly.
Drink a lot of water !check! I drink tons of water already. I also use the excuse to get a break and stretch my legs to get water. I was never a fan of fizzy pop and juice is only nice for me with food. I think I should thank my parents and my schools to make sure I was always into water and juice/fizzy pop were only for special occasions :)
Keep your back straight x Need to work more on this one. Posture was always a problem for me, the only time I can remember having a great posture is when I did swimming lessons. Shame here they don't have it as the same package as the membership. But will try yoga or just being more conscious about it.
Be less online and more live action !check! I think I've been pretty good with this one since last year! I rarely refuse an invite to meet up and come up with ideas as well... Sometimes I try to make "online friendships" to become "real" ones, but for some reason it doesn't seem to be working, unfortunately. So now I do my best, I offer my phone and my time. If they want to take it good, if not, what more can one do, really? I am just content I got to keep the online thingy going on as well :)
Drink less alcohol !check! I've been cutting my alcohol intake a lot. I never drunk a lot per se, but during the last year I was having at least a glass on Fridays, but it turned into two and then you don't want to leave half a bottle there... So I stopped it. I have it small bottles (they sell tiny ones here which comes with 2 glasses worth of wine) when I feel like it, or will drink some when with friends and not driving...
Pay attention to things around you !check! Hehehe, that's something I am always doing as well. I guess as I am working from home now is a bit more difficult but even driving around, or just watching TV or surfing the net I am always trying to catch new things in the air and notice people, things around me. They intrigue me, I always catch myself thinking about their past, what brought them there.
Take more photos. Write more. Life is too busy to expect our poor
little brain to remember everything.
!check!
Could not agree more. I am always a great fan of pictures and videos and anything that helps our poor memory/attention spam.
Sing !check! I am always singing, humming. So yeah, check that too.

Adding a few of my own:
* Forgive - Life is too short for begrudges.
* Give up - Nothing wrong with failure, it's only a sign you've tried. If you know you've tried your best, don't waste more energy than is needed and move on. Life will sort things out.
* Dance - is there a better way to just let your body go as it wishes? (Ok there is, but preferably in public dancing is still a better choice of not getting arrested.)
* Make jokes - You never know when people will find it funny (or that is so bad is good ) and is a great feeling to make someone laugh or just smile :)
* Compliment people - Forget about weakness, let's try some strong point for a change and it is bound to go back to you, even when you don't want to.
* Pay attention to the sky. It gets you thinking beautiful things, even when is gray and dark. You know one day the clouds will go and all will be fine again. Inevitably.
* Say what you think - but without being rude, just strong. Life is short to live one that is not your own.
* Mean what you say. Always.
* Look on the bright side of life. Pollyana style all the way for me.

Thursday 17 September 2009

Favorite ads on TV now showing - I

1) Gets me giggling everytime! So clever! Everyone will know Arthur invented Guiness... or... was it Martha? Or tomato? Or Llamas? LMSO!



2) The kit kat "Working like a machine?" campaign. So clever :) There are more like this but this is my favorite and everytime we hear Don't cha we start showing our shirts! (opens a new windows)


No More Karaoke, Have a Break




3) I like this one because is filmed in Sao Paulo <3



4) Hmmm! Is not only Marina who is on fire :) (the song is Brazilian funk by the way) I like this because is a bloody good kiss, but without being dirty or gross! And it is the name of the radio station ;) There are two versions for this but could only find one...



5) Rock & Roll! (Not anymore? lol)


Don’t Throw Your TV



5) Cute!


Will post some more as I remember/see them. May post some bad ones which annoy us too! :)

I am blast from the past

Like I've mentioned here, on my coming back to the blogsfera I thought of trying to reconnect with people who I had left behind, people I really cared for in the past.
People who I'd spend hours chatting on MSN developing close friendships, or reading their blogs...
Because I was the one choosing to retreat from the net world, I thought was only fair to go after them again, revert that choice...
But it never went through my mind they could be the ones choosing to retreat from me.
I have never received any harsh word from those I befriended with and if that ever happened, we always talked things through and if the decision to cut off the friendship was taken it was always mutual, it was always something we knew why was happening and why we would not be friends anymore.
One of this closest friends still accepts to be around but not as close as before. Another one was pretty much direct when posting on a network site "What should she do if someone from the past appears again and you wish she stayed in the past" two days after I went to her blog and netsite to say I was glad to have found her again and to see she was happy. After that last post she protected her posts and I am not included in those ones allowed to see it.
Of course I took the hint and accepted the fact she does not want me in her life again, so is only a matter of respect I don't follow her on her blog again or try to contact her again.
What breaks my heart is to have absolutely no idea why they would prefer it that way. I am so afraid of hurting people's feelings, of being cruel, or even unfriendly, it makes me totally paranoid to think I may have gone and done just that.
I don't mind people not liking me, not considering their best friends. No one can't be the best friend of everyone, and I know friendships can just grow out of itself with time and distance, but to completely repel someone?
And why just not be honest? Why not just write to me and tell me how they feel?
That would be what I would do, not send messages with double meanings, that hurts so much more...
Anyway, Mr J and Mrs M came to my rescue when I was having a cry about it (I can't believe I actually cried over it) and reminded me how wonderful I am, and how much all my other friends love me and are happy to see me well again...
I know in my heart I do everything I think is right, I do my bit.
I need to learn to deal with the fact people will change, move on and leave you behind.
Sometimes you didn't even do anything wrong, that is just life. :)
"Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense
respected." Charles Lamb


Tuesday 15 September 2009

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery." (James Joyce)

A conversation last week made a light go in my head on how is important or indeed possible for us to learn from our mistakes.
Hearing someone actually telling me how they would never learn from their mistakes was a bit of a shock, but provoked a sea wave in my mind.
Maybe is just me, but I believe learning from our mistakes is the path to avoid things we know made us unhappy, angry, frustrated, ill, everything that made us suffer in the past. And this way, we would then make sure to act towards a better, happier, brighter present, and consequently future, too. And how consciously decide to ignore mistakes you've made before? Or is it done unconsciously?
I could be wrong and no matter how hard we try we will always make mistakes, the same ones over and over again because that's what we are, and that how we live, but I'd like to think we are better than that, and more intelligent, if so only to fool ourselves thinking we are doing our best to grow up, to change, to adjust, to learn.
So yeah, I will do my best to remain alert.
Keep trying not commit the same errors without loosing who I am.
Be less paranoid, not letting myself go, not take things so personally, be less jealous, express my opinions and desires more out-loud but without being in-your-face.
Just a few of a big list I have, but hard things to do. "Old habits die hard" but I hope they die, sooner or later :)


"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from." - Al Franken

Wednesday 2 September 2009

Future, here I come.

Lately my head has been bubbling more than usual, this time with things I want to do with my life.
After more than a year in the limbo, not knowing what to do, and/or not having the stamina or the will to do whatever I started thinking about, now I can't wait to start it.
As some know, I used to do web design as a hobby. I had quite the following crowd and even though I wasn't never the code-master (I went by mostly using codes from tutorials, the net and friends) and my real passion is the design bits, the messing up with the pictures, colors, the putting together of images, with texts, with things that popped out of my head.
And now I see myself centered again, sane again - and dare I say - happy again, it's like a flood in my veins. Website projects I had forgot about all coming back, wanting me to give them a try, to even go and try have fun with coding, with learning, with letting my ideas run free, and the more ideas I have, more ideas they bring, is like a chain.
I need to revive these projects, these contacts, these ideas will have to become true.
In a way I believe I've avoided trying to bring them to life on fear of failure. But what is life without failures? Without start-overs? Being kicked in the teeth and still smile like you mean it?
And really, is not the end of the world failing on something that didn't exist before anyway. Is not like I am risking my savings, my life, my happiness. It will be like a game, and I will try and be the best on it I can be.
As with every decision I make in life, I have to ask myself: What could go terrible wrong really?
The websites turning out to be a flop, no one will be interested in them and I go back to life without web design. But I'll have tried, and hopefully had fun while doing it.
Mmm, sounds like a win/win deal to me!
What I can't let happen is these thoughts stay inside of me and never come to life. If they are not good enough to survive, at least I'll know I gave them the chance to breath and die.


Other plans for the future include big, no, huge things. But I will talk about them as they come. Life taught me too much planning/expectation means too much disappointment.
And I am willing to play by life rules from now on :)

Friday 28 August 2009

For someone who failed English in school...

... I am pretty surprised how now I think, dream and express myself better using this language.
I know my English is not perfect (far from it) and I know I make - a lot of - mistakes but for some weird reason when I try to write in Portuguese nowadays, I think it looks like a 10 years old wrote it.
Maybe the real problem is the fact I like to write like I talk, and for the best part of the last 7 years I have been talking in English, and definitely in the last year this has been at least 95% of the rate Portuguese/English use for me.
Is funny like some expressions simply take over, some expressions which don't have translation to Portuguese or sometimes I can't even recall how you would say something in Portuguese (the other day I was struggling to remember how to say lamb/sheep).
Don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten my mother tongue, I don't believe it is possible to happen to anyone!
I just think my brain is better trained now to work in English. I love Portuguese, I am happy my Squeedge is also learning it so we can speak Portuguese between us, I still speak Portuguese with my Brazilian friends I have here, I write Portuguese e-mails, I listen to Brazilian music, I read Brazilian news... I always make sure I don't loose contact with it, just in case...
I like the richness of our language, but maybe that's exactly why my brain takes the English route, it is so much simpler! :)


So here you go, this is why I write in English, but I have put a translator on the write side of the blog, and you can comment either way, as long as it is one of the two!

Monday 24 August 2009

What a difference 2 years make...

I've just realized how people's life change even when you're not watching them.
I know, it is stupid and obvious, of course their lives change! Is not like they would wait sitting on naughty corner while little me here (gosh I hope this acronym is nothing rude!) had her own problems to deal with, but what I mean is that while I was taking time off from my virtual life, I thought people's life would not change that much, naively enough.
To go back to old virtual friendships, chapters of books I was used to read, like a soap opera I~d watch everyday...
I thought I would just start following them again, from the last time I remember reading the last word they wrote on the last day I felt in a sane, happy, with not-a-care-in-the-world mood enough to go through my routine of checking if they needed a friend's shoulder to cry on, a friend's word to rely on, or a friend's cheer to celebrate on.
During this 2+ years (almost 3) my life went through such turmoil I could barely cope with my problems, let alone cope with others.
And their lives did everything but freeze.
Some got married, some split up, some had children who are now big and smiley, some learnt some instruments... Some changed jobs, some travelled and changed countries!Some are on the same life but with a different outlook...

I feel a bit sad for not being there for them. I feel a bit guilty because I chose to go away and not leave a trace so they could find me. It was my choice to go and hide in my cave when things were going from bad to worse.
It makes me think that maybe it was my life that I wanted to freeze, to pause, to stop. But I also wanted to fast-forward it. To a time where I'd be happy again, sane again, with not-a-care-in-the-world frame of mind.
I think this day has arrived again. Is funny how I never stopped writing even knowing (and not wanting) no one would read whatever I wrote. So here I am again.

I hope to reconnect to books and soap operas authors that I would follow in the past. Find out they are happy and content as much as I am now (well, most of the time).

But even if I don't ever find them again, or hear from them again, I hope it is true.

Thursday 20 August 2009

A little less conversation, a little more action please.

One of the things I can't get over with the new job is the huge unmeasurable amount of talking that is done. And most of the time is for nothing.
They have conferece calls for absolutely everything. Some days there are two conference calls to talk about the same thing!! (literally to repeat it to different people)
It drives me nuts how these are not productive at all, and the time wasted could've been used doing what they talk so much about doing.
Don't get me wrong, this is a big company spread all over the world and we need the meetings to know what everyone is doing, but I do believe it goes over the top most of the time.
My boss is constantly on meeting, which a few minutes between them to actually do his work! He ends up staying up until 11:00 PM at least every night to take care of e-mails and do any work he has to do.
Sometimes I wonder if they do it on purpose. It is always easier to escape to a meeting instead of doing what you have to do.
My approach,I find, is much better. Twitter, blogs and MSN messenger can always fill my day. I'll do my work on the spare time.
You'd think they'd know I don't work that hard, but they always love my results, and think I am wonderful! =)
So my theory of having fun while working, may just be what everyone needs to deliver!

Monday 15 June 2009

“the end is not as fun as the start”

Just when I thought everything was going smoothly, something had to happen to shake everything again…!

U2 wisely sang “the end is not as fun as the start” and now I appreciate how great those words are.
Why does the end have to be so bitter, so difficult, and so hard to make a decision on?
In my utopia world, the end would be just as sweet as the start, you follow your guts and when you realize, you are already in it.
It wouldn’t have fights nor include hurting each other or being spiteful.
The promises of a new start would always be around the corner along with the excitement and the certainty everything would be ok again.

But I have to also point out I believe the reason for endings to be so sad and hard is so we mortals understand we’ve got to move on.
By endings being as painful as possible, it makes us want to get rid of the plague once and for all.
If it was good maybe we would be tempted to start all over again so we could have the ending bit.
Or we would always think is worth to try a bit more, try a little bit more to keep things going without actually putting a full stop on the situation…

Maybe some people make it difficult to avoid the fact that the best thing in their lives is gone.
And forcing them ro be nasty paints it in a bad and ugly light makes easier to walk away from it.

But I feel I am different…
Having two crucial endings happening in my life, I still feel I need to finish both in good terms. I just can’t imagine being the mean one starting and picking up a fight, even more because I am hardly the one who caused the ending in the first place.

Maybe the fact that part of my utopia is happening in real world, where I have two wonderful bright starts to look forward to makes me less needy for those bitterness.
And hopefully these starts will take a looong time to reach an ending, if ever.

Friday 12 June 2009

Should I stay or should I go?

Famous for thinking too much, and having not so much work to do, will give a try to blogging again.
As it wasn’t enough to be on facebook and twitter, let’s find somewhere else I can throw my thoughts at, which don’t come short in length or intensity!
My friends can confirm it; they must be exhaust by my clinging huge e-mails by now.
And lately what has taken my head by storm is deciding if should I stay or should I go…
And currently, that is relating to my job situation.
Got an offer to go and work on a great company, closer to home (when not working FROM home), earning almost double, doing better work, no more week long on-bloody-calls, no more faking I am doing work when I could be so much more competent. The catch? This will be a contract for a 12-months period only, which could be extended to 24-months or even more, but no guarantee it would last all that.
It does seem a no-brainer, but I’ve always been the worse for making decisions, even more when it comes to job transition.
I’ve always hated change, and been too loyal. Terrible combination for moving on with your life when something is not good for you anymore. You prefer to stay, you want the opportunity for change to go away and leave you alone. You hope things will magically go back the way it was one day, exciting, challenging, happy times all over again.
But deep inside you know that no matter how you dwell on it, things will remain bad. You’ll complain about it every time something minor goes wrong like it is the end of the world, having to wake up for another day is hardest sacrifice you can think of.
A very wise friend said something which helped me to make my mind.
You gotta take your life by your hands and make your decisions yourself. Or life will make it for you and can be something you don’t want anyway, and than it will be too late and what you wanted will be already gone…

So I’ve made my mind now and shall leave this place that only brings me down sometimes, but I know it will be so painful to resign. My boss is the sweetest girl who should’ve never been made Team Leader because she doesn’t have the guts to make people work as they should, and for this same reason it will be difficult to tell her I am leaving.
I know she kind of relies on me to get things done, but she should’ve thought of that when they threatened to fire me if I didn’t become permanent and kept a much more stupid and less competent guy stay contracting for almost 18 months now.
I need to move on with my life, and take the risk of change and maybe – a tiny maybe at that – staying without a job.
But even if that happens, it should be the push I need to change carreers, something I wanted to do for so long but never built up the courage for.
So, if everything goes well, soon I will be out this place, where there are people I like and I know they like me, but most important than thata of all I won’t have to deal with people and work and stuff bringing me down. Good people who like me will always be with me, regardless where we are working.

If the job-changing doesn’t happen for whatever reason, at least I can feel happy the great company liked me and wanted me after just a telephone interview.
Now that happening for a girl who was shy to go and buy groceries alone when she was little is a huge achievement in itself!